Saturday, May 21, 2011

letter ten


Dear Bartender,

could we be just days away from a commitment letter from the bank? truly?

so we were told on monday, when luckily, we both found ourselves in mattapoisett on the final day of our staycation for your birthday. after a call from d at the bank, once dropped, twice picked up, i quickly showered and readied myself presentable after having only worn my cargo skirt and tank top sans shoes for most of our vacation, spent on the boat. an application needed to be signed. an application that should have been already completed weeks ago. you set aside your annoyance and we made the trip to the bank. fed the meter an additional 30 minutes to its already remaining 4.

d is energized. conversational about her weekend spent at rained out baseball games of her kids. we sign next to the x on each page. verify that the information from the other application is correct. chatter about the bar. our plans. whether or not 51% of the property is the business. whether i'll be part-owner. you've reached the "whatever is easiest" phase of responding. whatever will get us in and making money. after four months, you are ready. the imagining needs to cease in honor of the tangible.

my stomach turns. only a bit. i've already filled out paperwork. for some reason, being in the office makes it more real. the air conditioning in the bank cools my sandal-clad toes. i cross my ankles, resting feet closer together. we resume common discussion with her about when our wedding will be. how our type of vacations/weekends are a blur in her memory after having kids. we scoot out quickly and greet the heat with heads heavier than before.

we could have a commitment within days. then the appraisal. hopefully it'll match near to what they're asking.

this weekend, we taste test drink recipes. perry texts me today to see what we need. glasses/cups. i'll be taking photos. that will be fun. tipsy fun, no doubt.

i want to remember all of this. if/when we are able to begin, it'll be a blur. just like it is for d when she imagines life before her kids. life before this bar will be something else. we are already not planning to far ahead with vacations, etc. in anticipation.

your girl

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