Saturday, April 23, 2011

letter six


Dear Bartender,

We're on the cusp. Swaying to and fro. For days. Weeks, even. Knee-deep in plans for this endeavor, while waiting for the bank to shoot the starter gun. The frustration of the ebb and flow has surfaced again. You're anxious. Tired. Elated. Grumpy. Close. Distant in thought. All for the better.

I do feel the distance. We both do. And, as I hugged you goodbye last night at Green Street, leaving you with PerryA, your future right hand woman, so you two could hit one more stop on the research train, your face went all soft and concerned. You asked if all is good. Oh good, I thought, you feel the distance too. Literal distance. You in Poi. Me in Cambridge. Every. Weekend.

Yet, as you delve into plans for this proposed business, the distance grows more. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever see you when immersed even more so in our opposite lives of employment schedules. I know we're strong enough to make it all work. I wonder though, when we'll ever have quality time to nourish US. I curse opposite schedules even more as the days pass and we discuss decor of the bar, the name (should we include the or lounge?), and PerryA and I are assigned the luxurious task of developing the drink list. I see you moving forward. For you. For us.

And, yet, I'm drifting through days of the same after the same. Will I simply continue working my usual gig? Will I need to commute into the city? Then, I'll never see you during the week...And, you'll branch out into the new life and others will join you and I'll scamper in and out, barely part of it all. Perhaps not, but as of right now, seems it could be so. I hope I'm wrong. Because I can't take the divide growing any larger than what we deal with now. I cherish the hour we spend between our work schedules, tucked on the couch, minor utterances, many looks of acknowledgment. Then, you're off.

I have enjoyed scouting out bar ideas with our friends whose talents will grace the pages of this business. I appreciate that you respect my opinion about decor, theme, name, drinks, vibe, clients, etc. etc. etc. All of the things that you focus on at once when I encourage you to view one at a time. One by One (a Billy Bragg & Wilco song is playing right now, how appropriate...). PerryA laughs that that's what I'm good for -- narrowing both of your attentions to one topic. One moment.

Please don't take my nervousness as a negative. The transition is close. Oh so near. And, being nervous is natural. My nerves stem from wanting to build it all together with you. Not apart. Can we do it?

We have thus far.

your girl

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