Wednesday, November 3, 2010

the beginning of the bitter end

It feels peculiar to rise hours before the sun. To begin a day when the remains of the night cloak the scenery and the new day is on the cusp of the lighted hours. Time, however, is a fickle ruler. Steadfast in its tick, tick, ticking. Shouldn't the day truly begin with the new sunrise? Why adhere to the resolution of stiff numbers held forever accountable to the notation of a day's passing when the hour isn't portrayed through truths visible to the eye?

There is something about this time of day, 4:00 AM in particular, on a crisp autumn morning, that encourages somewhat stagnant traits of my personality to surface:

Resentment. After only a slim few hours of dreaming, leaving behind my slumbering gentleman and pup in a warm, dark bedroom in his Pa's house by the sea, to return to a dusty, heaving city. Headlights of my thawing car beaming a path otherwise too dark for telling---so much so that deer may only be noticed when their eyes are set in a bright glow as they capture and hold still a gaze dead set on my car. They are still perhaps in wonderment as to why you are awake during their designated wandering time.

Impatient. My usual calm acceleration quickens pace, striving toward a couple of more hours of sleep before work.

Singer. Acceptance of musical offerings at this hour, I sing a duet with Bonnie Raitt. Yes, her. Stave off quiet with my scratchy, almost husky morning voice.

Hopeful. Wet my eyes with slight tears of joy when the song I aim to cherish on our wedding day, unbeknownst to The Bartender, croons, conjuring in mind a dance shared after our nuptials.

Focus. A mind usually tender and foggy before a cup of coffee is somehow more focused on true goals of my heart. So easily. All seems obtainable when the road is dim and stretching forth for miles into a vacant slate of morning.

Perhaps I am overly pensive on this particular morning because I am leaving a bit more behind than simply a resting lot of those loved.

I am driving farther from a new beginning.

And, after I find my way home, sleep through the sunrise then resume a usual work week, I can't help but feel that I'm moving backwards.

You see, we've gone and done it.


The bartender and I went and bought a bar. Somehow I have...


discovered my supporting role in this amazing endeavor.

basement glassware

I am numb.

bar top


bar stools

Scared out of my wits by this...

first shift

BAR. And, as I while away the week in my usual way, I am miles away from him,

behind the bar

this venture,

beneath the bar

and my new sense of self. It's perplexing. Annoying. Heart-wrenching. And, so much more. We know not of how to adjust.


Somehow, we just...DO, without pondering too much.


Coat-by-coat we're adding touches of a new identity to this room we're well too familiar with.

We plan. We hope. We care. We worry.
I promise to share. Everything.
I do hope you'll come along.
And, maybe when all is just so,
you may visit.
Until then, my words and photos will lead the way.

Welcome, my friends, to the next phase.
Welcome to The Bitter End Lounge.


  1. Oh WOW! That is soooo exciting. I long to do something amazing and brave like this someday. Soon. I can't wait to hear more about it!

  2. sk, Thanks for reading and leaving the FIRST comment! I do hope you get to fulfill your dream someday soon. It's mighty frightening, but that's how we grow, I suppose. Take care. And, thanks again for coming by.

  3. Very exciting! I agree - can't wait to hear more!

  4. Awesome awesome awesome.

  5. Immensely excited for you and I can't wait to visit! I love that you're taking this adventure and I'm so glad you'll be blogging about it so we can all live vicariously through you.

    Best of luck!

  6. My darling friend, I'm soooooooo happy for you and Bartender! 2011 is shaping up to be the year all my friends' dreams come true, and I couldn't be happier that you guys have been swept up in this cloud of magic karma dust. Can't wait to raise a pint there with you soon. Slainte! Salute! Mazel tov! Hugs! Love, Meliss

  7. Wow--congratulations on your new adventure! It's a big undertaking, but I'm sure of one thing--there will never be a dull moment. Enjoy!

  8. Wow, HUGE congratulations!!! This is so awesome! And now, I MUST know where this new bar with the lovely name is.


  9. the basis for this blog is brilliant. thanks so much for letting us live vicariously through this whole exhilarating process! rounded-corner photos make me giddy. also, if this is the rebirth of the all-but-condemned saloon in central square, i might just eat my hat.

  10. Congratulations and Wow, exciting news and looking forward to reading all about here!!

  11. This is so exciting. love the new blog!!

  12. I am SO excited for you - this is the start of something wonderful, something gratifying - something that is YOURS (and by that, I mean the collective yours). It's going to be amazing!!! xoxo, Amy

  13. I love this post, Jen. Really great. I can't wait to follow. You're a beautiful one. WHERE IS THIS BAR?

  14. How exciting for you all! You will definitely be successful! I know it!

  15. GF-
    Look at all this support you have! Hope that soothes the nerves :) You are really doing it. I am beaming with pride.
    - Maple Scone Lady

  16. To ALL of YOU,

    I'm immensely grateful for your support of this new blog. This is the stuff I'm most nervous about sharing. Yet, it's the part of me that nags to be told. I've already drafted two more posts, but want to work on them a bit this weekend and take some more photos to post along with them. I also have many, many notes that I've kept to myself and am figuring out a way to plug them into the mix.

    And, there will be RECIPES! Quick comfort eats I've conjured during those most stressful times---the likes of which I'm sure there are many more...

    Thank YOU again for these lovely comments. Your kindness and warmth keep me smiling. YOU will keep me writing. Otherwise, I'd keep it to myself. ;)

    Cheers & see you again soon!

    p.s. - The bar is in Fairhaven, MA, a little ways before Cape Cod. We may need to start bussing our friends from our urban digs to the burbs on the weekends!

  17. I have goosebumps lady. I Love this blog and I am so excited that you have made the leap! Please save a seat for me at the bar....PS just opened an account with google so I could comment. ;)

  18. Sweet Nik,
    There always will be a seat for you, my dear. We had some fun last night crafting a couple of the bevs from that book you gave The Bartender! Oh, and thanks too for joining the Google fun. xo